


Highlight

by PinkLotus (EspurrsVena)



Series: 101 [2]
Category: JO1 (Japan Band), Produce 101 (TV), Produce 101 Japan
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Breakup, Fluff and Angst, Healing, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:53:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22387492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EspurrsVena/pseuds/PinkLotus
Summary: At first everything seems to be perfect for Shosei, if there was not his low self esteem. Ren loves him back and Ruki does not seem as annoying as during the beginning. Yet during the preperations for the concept battles things turn for the worst.
Relationships: Kawashiri Ren/Ohira Shosei, Ohira Shosei/Shiroiwa Ruki
Series: 101 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1611127
Kudos: 14





	Highlight

**_散らばる欠片集めて 初めて息する_ **  
_gather the scattered pieces and make the first breath_  
**_二つの光が 互いの明日照らす_ **  
_two lights illuminate each others tomorrow_  
**_陽の沈む暗闇に 君の温もり記憶_ **  
_in the darkness of the decending sun is the memory of your warmth_  
**_星が包み込んでる_ **  
_the stars wrap up_  
**_その場所へ向かう I’ll be there_ **  
_moving to your place I’ll be there_  
**_心にMatchさせたい_ **  
_I want to match our hearts_

Until Shosei had met Ren he did not believe in love at first sight.  
They met for the first time during one of the later auditions for Produce 101 Japan and when Shosei saw the other one dancing for the first time, he felt for him. He had experience as a back dancer, too, but the older one was a whole different level, one that did not seem to come from this world. Everything about him seemed to be perfect. 

A little later it was announced that for the class evaluation the trainees could form teams or perform alone. For Shosei the choice was easy: he was not confident enough to perform alone so he would try to search for a team. He had met some other future trainees in the Shinkansen on the way to Tokyo, so he wondered whether he should ask them if they wanted to form a team with him. Yet before he had the chance to ask anyone, Ren suddenly approached him.  
“You are Ohira Shosei, aren’t you? I’m Kawashiri Ren. I heard you have experience as back dancer, too, and I thought about forming a team of back dancers for the class evaluation. Would you like to join it?”  
In this moment Shosei was sure he was dreaming. Ren had asked him to join his team. There was no way that could be real, he thought. He had been certain that Ren would enter the evaluation alone like most star trainees, yet he had come to him and wanted him to be in his team. 

Together with another trainee named Yamada Satoshi they formed the UN Backers team and during the whole training time Shosei felt like he was dreaming. The day before everyone travelled to Korea for the recording of the show, the trainees spent at an airport hotel. The luck was on Shosei’s side again and he ended up in a room with Ren and like in some cheesy TV drama there was just one bed they had to share. Ren, who seemed to be able to sleep everywhere, didn’t mind it but Shosei was sure he wouldn’t be able to sleep that night. Every time he was close to the other dancer his heart was fluttering like the wings of a Colibri.  
Eventually he did sleep yet when he woke up, he found himself clinging to the other trainee who was, of course, already awake.  
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry.” That was probably the most embarrassing moment in his life, Shosei thought, but Ren just smiled softly at him.  
“It’s okay. You are cute when you sleep.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Just the truth.” And suddenly he felt the other’s lips on his forehead. “But you are even cuter when you are embarrassed.” 

The class evaluation was a nightmare for Shosei. He has never been that nervous before and when it was announced that he only qualified for the C class and not the A class like Ren his world was crushed. That Satoshi even ended up in the D class when unnoticed by Shosei cause he had to fight his tears.  
After the evaluation Ren comforted him yet he felt like he wasn’t good enough for him. Ren deserved someone better on his side. 

During the training for the re-evaluation, Shosei gave everything he had. He wanted to make his boyfriend proud who sacrificed his rare free time to help him. Also, it was the time that Shosei first noticed Ruki who was assigned to the C class as well.  
At first, Shosei did not like him. The other trainee was the typical former Johnny’s trainee: good lucks, but a weak voice, arrogant and the worst part: he did not stop talking. During his own training at LDH entertainment, he absorbed the rivalry of the two companies, so being placed in the same class as Ruki made it even more humiliating for him to be put there. 

However, the re-evaluation did not go as planned. He managed to raise his grade, yet he received just a B. He tried to stay strong, especially when his former EXPG classmate Raira was downgraded and put into the same class, yet once the cameras stopped filming, his tears started flowing. To his surprise, it was Ruki, who also managed to join the B class, who kind off comforted him at this moment.  
“You know the grades don’t matter much after the recording. It’s not like the Korean version. They are doing it different here. And hey, at least you were not downgraded. Not that I thought that would happen to you. You practiced nonstop but anyway...” Ruki’s endless talking somehow distracted him. 

Once the theme song recording was done, Shosei finally got the chance to be closer to Ren again. For the position battle they both choose the same song and Shosei was overjoyed when Ren picked him for his team. It was hard not to kiss him in front of everyone.  
Yet the position battle ended with another defeat for Shosei. His team won, yes, but he just got the 6th most votes. Two of his teammates had placed worse, yet Shosei felt again that compared to his boyfriend he was inferior. No matter how hard he trained, no matter how much help he received from Ren, he was never good enough to reach his level. 

After this they had to say goodbye to Satoshi who was eliminated from the show and to his surprise Shosei was among the first candidates for the debut line-up. He placed at the 7th place which he could not believe. Of course, Ren had grabbed the 1st place, yet for the first time, Shosei did not feel bad about this gap. They could make it together. They could be able to fulfil their dream together which made him incredible happy. 

Yet, the happiness did not last long. When the next challenge was announced, the group battles. When the teams were formed Ren did not even seem to think about him when he built his team and the way he pronounced Takumi’s name made Shosei’s blood boil from jealousy. 

Later that day when the teams moved into their new dorm rooms, Shosei was still mad. “Why did you not choose me?”  
“Don’t take it personal.” The silver haired dancer tried to hug him but Shosei avoided it. “Shosei, please. I did that for you.”  
“Yeah sure.”  
“Yes, I did. You said yourself that you want people to see you and with the group you are in now, you have the potential to be the centre for the first time. Also, our positions are pretty similar. For the group balance it’s better this way.”’  
“Yeah group balance... that’s how you call fawning about Takumi now.”  
“Wait, are you jealous?” Ren seemed to be surprised in that moment. “Takumi is just a friend. And he seems to have only eyes for HeeCheon anyway. Did you never notice that?” This time Ren managed to pull the younger one into a hug. “Honey, I look forward to see your growth. I want you to set the stage on fire.” 

Even though Shosei did feel a little better after the talk, a bitter feeling still lingered. Furthermore, because this time the groups were assigned rooms together, he saw even less of Ren during the practise. Ren was a perfectionist who gathered a group of similar people, so there was barely a time when they did not practise.  
Somehow the whole situation made him end up near Ruki again. Ruki was in a different group but since Kousuke who was part of Shosei’s team seemed to be the only who could endure his talking for a long time, the talk active trainee was often close, too. His nonstop talking put Shosei at ease so after some time he did not even mind it anymore. 

While Shosei grew closer to Ruki, he felt the distance between him and Ren grew. Even in their free time they barely spend time with each other. Every time they were alone, however, the blond one tried to make the best of it. Yet fate was not on his side. For the concept battles they ended up in the same team, just for him to be voted out of it after the next ranking. To make things even worse the next group did not want him, too, so he ended up in ‘Yancha boy Yancha girl’. He felt sorry for this group that they had to deal with him now even though the other members seemed happy to have him. 

Learning a new dance was more difficult than he thought so Shosei usually practiced at night, too. One night, Ren suddenly came into the room.  
“Of course, you are here.” The grey-haired trainee said with a smile. “I wanted to talk to you.”  
“You want to explain finally why you did kick me out?” A bitter feeling still lingered.  
“Shosei, that was a group decision. And I think you fit much better into the Yancha group.” He sighed. “But that’s not what I wanted to talk about... even though it’s not that far away.” Something was obviously troubling the dancer. “Shosei, I’m proud of your growth during the program so far and I’m honoured that I’m the reason for this, yet it’s time for you to become your own person. You need to stop chasing my shadow.”  
Something inside of Shosei knew what was coming, yet he did not want it to be true. “What do you mean?”  
“It’s better if we don’t see each other in the way as before now. It’s not like I don’t like you. It’s the opposite. But I’m feeling like I'm only a burden for you, so it is probably better this way.” 

The next days were a blur for Shosei. He somehow managed to remember everything necessary for the concept battle but if anyone had asked him how and what else he did those days; he would not have been able to answer. If it was not for Ruki, he would not even have noticed that HeeCheon had left the show.  
“I can’t believe he did it. But well that means our chances have grown, don’t they? HeeCheon would have been in the debut line-up for sure.”  
“What did he do? Did he break a rule?”  
“Wait... you haven’t noticed? He left on his own last night! It seems to be because of the hate comments.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes, Takumi looks even worse than you now. And damn, that means something when I say that Mr Visual Centre looks horrible. Who would have thought there will be so much relationship drama during this program? First you and now Takumi.” 

“You knew?” He and Ren used to make sure that people, especially cameras, did not see them because relationships were against the rules.  
“Who didn’t know? You followed him like a lost puppy and your murder glares towards Takumi scarred even me.”  
“Oh.” He never thought that the older trainee was that observant. Hearing him talking made him often think that Ruki did not care much about other people besides himself.  
“I know, I don’t seem to be like that person you should come to with your worries, but I’m friends with Kousuke for years. Don’t you think I learnt something from him?” Shosei was pulled into a hug. “Even if you don’t want to talk, I’m here to distract you. No matter what time it is, you can come to me. You know that I don’t need sleep anyway.”  
From that day on Shosei finally felt like he started to heal in a slow pace. It still pained him to see Ren being happy and kind of unaffected by the breakup but Ruki’s presence made everything more bearable. 

When it came to choosing the final evaluation song, he ended up with both of them in the same song. He had hoped to avoid that, yet their music taste was just too similar.  
One night after the practise Ren suddenly came to him. “I’m proud of you.”  
Shosei did not answer, instead he kept drying his face from the sweet.  
“Ruki makes you glow. I’m glad you have him now.” The younger one still did not answer. “I’m sorry.” With this Ren left the room, but Shosei’s heart hurt again. Ruki was a good friend who manage to distracted him, yet his heart still hung on his former teammate. 

The final itself was unbelievable for Shosei. He was placed 4th in the end and while he got a cheering hug from Ren and the other ones, too, yet it was Ruki’s smiles and hugs he enjoyed the most at this moment. However, when they went to Korea it was decided that Ren and Ruki should share a room (because everyone else thought Ren might be the only one who can sleep through Ruki’s nightly talks). He had looked forward to share a room with Ruki, but did not mind the company of Sukai for the time being.  
Then, one day the three former Korean trainees surprised the newly formed group with a Seoul night-tour. While he was happy to see them again, it bugged him how focussed Ren seemed to be on Takumi that night again.  
Every time Shosei had thought that his heart had taken a step from the other one, he did something to make it hurt again. 

So, when they entered a bar to celebrate the reunion and even the 2000liners were allowed to drink alcohol, Shosei did not hesitate. He wanted to make the pain stop and alcohol seemed to be perfect for this. The others did not seem to mind, yet Ren kept trying to make him stop. But the more Ren tried to make him stop, the more he wanted to drink. Ren wanted him to be his own person, so he could decide himself when he had enough, he thought. 

The next morning Shosei woke up with the worst headache he ever had. Yet somehow, he was in his own bed and wore his pyjama. He had no memory of how he did it, but that was the last of his worries right now. He wanted to make that hammering in his head stop.  
“Drink. It will help you.”, he heard suddenly Ruki’s voice beside him. Without opening his eyes, he reached for the direction of the voice and managed to grab a glass and drink from it without any accidents.  
“I told you that you can come to me any time. Drinking until your lights go out does not help your heartbreak.” Ruki’s voice was scolding, but the hand with stroked Shosei’s hair spoke another language.  
“I got it now.”  
“I hope it was a lesson for you.” 

The headache became slowly bearable, so the younger one dared to open his eyes. Ruki was sitting next to him on the bed while wearing sleep attire, too.  
“Where is Sukai?”  
“In my room. We traded the night. He had his first few drinks, too, so I did not trust him to watch you.”  
“Ah...”  
“Why did you do that? Did you want to proof him that bad that you are your own person who doesn’t need his guidance?”  
“Did you see how he looked at Takumi?”  
“Worried. But he looked even more worried when he looked at you. Why else would he try to stop you?”  
“I don’t know.” 

“Shosei...” The other one looked extremely worried. “You don’t have to keep everything to yourself always. You can talk to me before your dam bursts. Together we can prevent this from happening, but you have to talk to me for this.”  
“I know... But...”  
“No buts. I said it a thousand times. I’m here for you. And I’m not him. I won’t push you away when you become too much. I even doubt that could happen.”  
“But what if..”  
“As I said, no buts. Trust me.” Ruki pulled him into his arms and held him close.  
Yet before anything else could happen, there was a knock on the door and they heard their manager calling for them.  
“Do you think you can pull through today?”  
“Yes. It will be hard, but I don’t want to miss practise.”  
“Are you sure?” The older one was still worried, but Shosei pulled out of the hug and made himself as presentable as possible in a short time. 

When they returned to Japan and moved into the new JO1 dorm, Shosei finally got into a room with Ruki. Spending more time with him made it easier to open up with his worries towards to older one, so when he got asked during their first CM shooting who was the member, he spend the most time with, Ruki was the natural answer.  
It did bother him a little that he had to dance in Ren’s shadow most of the time, yet having his roommate on his side made everything better. 

“Futenyan is so cute! If I was a cat, I would not be that relaxed during so much noise!”  
After finishing the shooting Shosei was still in love with the brand’s mascot, something Ruki could not relate to. “Hm yeah. I suppose.”  
“Ah you mentioned you don’t like cats!”  
“Right. Dogs are much cuter.”  
“I don’t think you can say that one of them is cuter. They all have their own charm.” For once Shosei got the chance to scold the older one a little. “What’s your favourite breed of dog?”  
“Golden Retriever.”  
“Why?”  
For a moment the lavender-haired one seemed to search for the right words. “Cause they are soft, lovingly and genuine, also patient and observant”  
“You sound like you are describing your ideal partner.”  
“Maybe my ideal partner is a golden retriever.” He said with a smile. “Let’s hurry up. Maybe we can visit the Pompompurin café here you’ve been talking about earlier.”  
“Yes, let’s go!” With a bright smile the younger one packed his stuff and they left together to enjoy some rare free time. 

In the back of the room, Ren silently watched that interaction. His heart hurt a little, but he was happy to see Shosei smiling again.  
“Do you think he is finally over you?”, asked Takumi who was also there.  
“I hope so.”  
“And you?”  
“It’s alright. As long as he is happy, I’m happy, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Side note: Shosei seems to love Pompompurin and according to its bio Pompompurin is a Golden Retriever.
> 
> Well I wanted to write Ren's perspective first, yet Shosei's Y mobile bts video made me write this OS first.  
> I hope you like it and please leave your thoughts in the comments.


End file.
